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Marsha
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Автор о себе MarshaHi everyone!
final year at a boarding school - how more desperate can it get? exams, sun outside the examintion room's windows, constant revision classes... but i thought i'd put some time aside and join the poetry club for a time! hoping for a nice welcome!
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Произведения
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РецензииНа странице отображаются рецензии, опубликованные 04.2025 в обратном порядке с 21 по 12
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Рецензия на «From Japan with love» (Marsha)
Nice. If you have time look her https://stihi.ru/2003/06/21-01 Gaijin 25.06.2003 14:56 • Заявить о нарушении
Рецензия на «You feel?» (Marsha)
You're alive just when you feel! Sometimes the feelings are stronger than our mind, but then we could make beautiful stupid things, for love! :) Trnation 20.06.2003 02:50 • Заявить о нарушении
yea, you are right... just make sure that the state of "alive" doesn't get terminated because of those stupid beautiful things =0)))
how are you doing anyway? Marsha 20.06.2003 11:21 Заявить о нарушении
Now more or less better, just very confused and... still loving her. At least now she reads my poems, so I hope they can reach her heart and open her eyes to me as they were open once...
And about stupid things... well, I think that if there are done for love, then they also will be brave things and their nonsense will turn into the sense of love :) My best best wishes to you, Sasha. Trnation 21.06.2003 10:59 Заявить о нарушении
Good! i just got back from the pub - feeling slightly dizzy, so i guess i'd go to bed now. keep writing!
Masha. Marsha 22.06.2003 02:36 Заявить о нарушении
Рецензия на «From Japan with love» (Marsha)
I am touched... deeply, deeply touched... thank you again! I especially loved the lines: "She’s neverchanging yet so up-to-trend" "Duties oblige. And love will give you status. People plant rice just like we plant potatoes – Just take a look at all these even rows! Perhaps, it’s simply all about training." Some suggestions. I generally agree with the ones Trans Later made, only I think that "The streets still have THE same names as before" would be even better. I hope I am not making any grammar mistakes, as it`s been rather a long time since I had a chance to speak English. One more suggestion. The line "Here people don’t greet major changes" does not seem to be long enough... How about something like "Here people never welcome major changes"? And, finally, "A point of spear is where she found her rest" is a beautifull line, but the meaning is different from the original. It is actually an allusion to Japanese myths. Two deities, Izanagi and Izanami, started making Japan by deeping a speare into the ocean and whisking it. The drops of water that fell from the point of the speare when they lifted it, formed the first island... So, you see, "where she found her rest" give a quite different impression... However, don`t think I`m dwelling on the faults of your translation! It is, above all, GOOD! The atmosphere is just what it was meant to be! I can but thank you again, many, many times! Murasaki 16.06.2003 08:29 • Заявить о нарушении
Jeez, I AM forgetting English! "Beautiful". And "dipping the speare". :))))
Murasaki 16.06.2003 08:31 Заявить о нарушении
Murasaki, i think i owe you a personal line down here =))) it's really good if you find the atmosphere similar to the one in your original poem - this is what i surely was trying to achieve...my japanese friend laughed slightly at the thought of Komachi joining ANYBODY ever again, but i just take it as a little defect of japanese sense of humour and poetry... =0)))
all the best of luck to you! Marsha 16.06.2003 23:24 Заявить о нарушении
Рецензия на «From Japan with love» (Marsha)
That's a very nice poem! Your passion for the country is deeply felt :-) Would you like to consider a few minor changes? The streets still have same names as before... Shall we go search for shade that foliage bestows... Awaiting you. From either sea or skies... (awaiting - without "for", unlike "waiting") From emerald of grass and from the grey birds' flocks I’ve made a puzzle of million(s) small blocks... Respectfully, Trans Later 15.06.2003 23:21 • Заявить о нарушении
Замечательно получилось! И очень удачные собственные ходы.
Только не совсем понятно, почему country - she? Разве со странами можно как с кораблями? Аглая Андреева 15.06.2003 23:40 Заявить о нарушении
Aglaya Andreevna, it is really possible to use "she" for a country. Especially, if the gender of Japan is female in Japanese, like Russia in Russian. But let us wait for the author to reply :-))
Trans Later 15.06.2003 23:47 Заявить о нарушении
В японском нет родов у имен существительных! Так что не покатит :)
К тому же - стихи-то на английском.. Аглая Андреева 16.06.2003 07:59 Заявить о нарушении
A vot i pokatit, ochen` dazhe pokatit! V angliiskom "she" primenitel`no k stranam ne tol`ko "possible", no sovsem dazhe obyazatel`no.
Murasaki 16.06.2003 08:08 Заявить о нарушении
hey guys, thank you all for your attention!
there we go then: 1. japanese indeed doesn't have genders, but if you take a japanese person and ask him/her to "genderize" the word "country", they'll scratch their scalp and say: "She." sampled from a group of 20 japanese, 19 said "her" and 1 refused to consider =))) 2. Trans Later - your comments are very valid, apart from the "million(s)" - that's a different case here. Still your criticism is very important to me! 3. And last, but not least - Murasaki, i'm really glad you have come over and took time to read the poem - your opinion is in any light what I'd care about a lot. Wow, wow - my teenage delight over my own self and the comments you all left is splashing out! Anyway, I have a Design exam in 10 minutes - wish me luck! all the best, Marsha Marsha 16.06.2003 16:31 Заявить о нарушении
Hi, Marsha! Actually I don't have anything against a thousand squared :-)), but in this case the line - imho - becomes too heavy and difficult to read. Unless there's a special reason for this :-)
Good luck! Trans Later 16.06.2003 16:52 Заявить о нарушении
well, one might argue there was a bit of a reason...i personally really like how thousand thousand sounds, in both russian and english versions, so i guess i just allowed myself some personal part to intervene with the lines.
cheers! Marsha 16.06.2003 23:20 Заявить о нарушении
In this case, Marsha, you don't need an "a" before your double thousand, OK? At least, I think so :-)
Regards, Trans Later 17.06.2003 00:26 Заявить о нарушении
id o actually need an "a"... well, it's there already, so not like there's much else i can do.
=0))) Marsha 17.06.2003 18:53 Заявить о нарушении
Рецензия на «From Japan with love» (Marsha)
Hikaru Genji - tot samyi Блистательный принц, Hikaru means Блистательный in Japanese =))) Marsha 15.06.2003 22:52 • Заявить о нарушении
ain't original at all... that's a part of my life, but at least it can be rhymed!
=)) Marsha 15.06.2003 22:34 Заявить о нарушении
i mean not like i am gay or anything, but this is a true story about my friend
Marsha 15.06.2003 22:35 Заявить о нарушении
Рецензия на «*** Believe...» (Marsha)
You are crazy-crazy woman Вова Sтурманн 11.06.2003 23:18 • Заявить о нарушении
does even this little 4-line piece reveal it so obviously?? =)))
Marsha 15.06.2003 22:37 Заявить о нарушении Продолжение списка рецензий:
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